Firstly, I would like to apologize, for most of my entries this month would be on the topic of my post natal experiences. And this might goes on for a couple of month until I get back to work in the middle of September, or perhaps more..hehe
So, kalau agak2 bosan, you might consider coming back in October/November..even though the probability of me not posting anything at all would be quite high…huhuhuu..
According to Wikipedia, Postpartum depression (PPD), also called postnatal depression, is a form of clinical depression which can affect women, and less frequently men, after childbirth, due to tak cukup tido + perubahan hormone lepas bersalin. And it can be mild or severe…bergantung pd keadaan n jugak kekuatan mental la kot…
I knew beforehand that PPD exist, tp tak berapa ambik berat coz jarang dgr drpd org2 yg dah bersalin psl ni… maybe sbb for most normal people..benda ni tak lama…mcm few days ot the first 2 weeks ke…so tak berapa relevan nak diceritakan compare to cerita pasal baby pnye development, proses pantang etc.. So, I was never ready for it..
And then it hit me on the second day after bersalin. AS mentioned b4, first day kan I was like ‘hidup segan, mati x mau’ until midnight.. tp bile sedar midnite tu, ok je. Esoknye, pagi masih best. Sakit czer pun still leh tahan..xde la sakit sgt… It started after the nurse bukak catheter utk kencing tu… mula lah prob datang dimane I couldn’t tahan n kemut my pundi kencing b4 sampai ke toilet bowl.. skali dah rase nak kencing, dgn kelam kabut + sakit nye, terpakse ala2 berlari anak ke toilet yg sekangkang kera, tp tanpe sedar, dah kuar sume..seb baik dah dlm toilet.. masalahnye minum air sket pun dah nak terkucil.. so sehari ade la lebey 10 kali gi toilet…a few times juge kene tukar underwear…ok..sorry, too much info lak..hohoho…
So, dari kesah di atas la start my depression..bila dah 3-4 kali kene berlari masuk toilet dgn sakit czer, dgn x leh tahan.. time ni dah start nangis dah…pastu tambah lg dgn baby tak pandai lagi latch betul2 untuk menyusu, dia dok nangis lapar…so bnde ni terbawak-bawak balik rumah… kadang xde ape2 jadi pun mula la air mate bertakung, dok nangis sorg2… tak pun nangis dekat dude, sian dude mase tu kene layan baby n wife dia yg mrepek tu… siyes jd penyedih gile yg x leh nak tertahan… mate bengkak je, air mate nak mengalir je tanpe sbb...rase down gile...at that time tgk baby, wpun happy, rase bersalah sbb keadaan stress to menyebabkan kite tak jage dia betul2..rase useless n hopeless gile...mcm tu la lebey krg rasenye being depress.. (lain org lain kot... Sorg senior kate, dia jd nak marah je...n another senior kate dia pun same, jd penyedih je...)
Ingat nak dekat habis dah depress2 tu, pastu on the 6th day, baby kene admit lak kat pusrawi due to jaundice…jadi la balik stress bile baby nangis2 bukak kene bukak baju n dok bawah lampu..
Tapi Alhamdulillah, sume turned out to be okay..I get a lot of support from the people around me especially from Dude and mak.. Without them, I would be gila meroyan by now..hoho.. I even turned away from my friends.. didn’t reply their sms or calls as I was too busy being depress.. hehe.. Tapi Allah tetap sayang… Dia hantar kawan2 yg paham n supportive..i.e Rose tetibe sakit lak kat spital yg same, siap carik sndri my room sbb i didn't reply her sms and she taught me how to pump, Amal & Yos yg dtg rumah di kala ku depress n meng’up’kan aku, few calls and smses telling me that what I felt was normal… So lame2 aku pun menjadi ok…org kat rumah mcm neng n Cik Pur juga tolong byk… sampai aku rase x de bende nak di stress out pun…
I believe ramai je kot yg x merasai depress langsung..maybe sbb dah ready, or simply because they are stronger..aku admit, bab2 ni aku x brape kuat…mmg dilahirkan manja n mengada gile, so kesan dia over la sket…hehe.. So those ‘pregnanters’ out there, it’s ok to be depressed 4 a while..just cube jgn layan…time tu kite tgh kotor n mental down, syaitan pun ske kaco kan, so byk2 bace ayat2 Quran, istighfar byk2… my 2nd night at home, siap mimpi ular yg ngeri gile 2-3 kali dlm sesi mimpi yg berlainan pd satu malam..huhu
Find all the supports that you can have, accept help, ask for help..jgn cube buat sndri kalo rase x mampu, panggil hasben…suh diorg tolong byk2…hehehe…
Nway, to my Dude, thank u sgt2 melayan saye yang jadi teruk lps bersalin n sampai skrg still uruskan baby dgn hebat nye..i couldn’t make it w/out u..i wep u sooo demm maashhh!
Pumping session dah tamat..so does my writing…so, Later! =)
